| Through working with others in H &
I's, members of Cocaine Anonymous share their experience, strength
and hope. Below are some of our feelings about out H & I
experiences.
Remembering Where We Came
From
"My first experience with
doing H & I work was when I had 90 days sober and went to
speak on a panel at a hospital. I was sure I had nothing to offer,
nothing to say. I sat there listening to the speakers before me
and knew they had said everything I wanted to say. When it was my
turn, I just opened my mouth and let the words pour out. I not
only said what someone in the room needed to hear, but things that
I needed to hear.
"When the meeting was over,
I spent some time talking to the patients and shared some more of
my hope, faith and courage. I left that meeting feeling a sense of
happiness and joy I never felt before. I still feel that high
whenever I speak on a panel, especially to a group of
adolescents."
"H & I helps me to
remember where I came from. It also allows me to watch the miracle
of recovery change others and in doing so, it allows me to change
myself. There are no words that can describe the feeling inside
when someone I first met at an H & I panel gets his/her first
year token."
"Being a recovering addict,
the most dangerous thing for me is to forget that I am an addict
or to think that I can use successfully, but that is exactly what
my addiction tries to get me to believe. Whenever I go into a
detox meeting, I am always reminded of the simple truth of
addiction and its consequences. This helps me to stay sober and to
be grateful for my recovery. It was passed through this method to
me, and I feel blessed to be able to carry on the
tradition."
Gratitude
"Leaving the correctional
facility, I feel ecstatic; grateful for the privilege of being a
vehicle of my Higher Power and hopeful that a seed may have been
planted in the mind of even one still-suffering addict. I share
the miracle of my recovery and how Cocaine Anonymous has changed
my life; H & I service work helps me to stay clean and sober
today. This is one of the ways it works for me. Through service in
H & I, my gratitude is multiplied."
"As a parent, when I leave
a youth lockdown facility, I thank God that it wasn't one of my
children listening to the panel. Most of all, I feel grateful that
I am sober and carrying the message of C.A. to those who are not
so fortunate."
"My reason for H & I is
a selfish one. To stay clean and remain grateful for what I have.
It offers me a feeling of usefulness to God and to
mankind."
"The look in the patient's
eyes, the sweat on their foreheads and on the palms of their
hands; they're not sure if they can stay sober another day. That
makes you feel grateful because when the meeting is over, you're
going home. That's the only difference between you and
them."
"Gratitude...
Doors
opening instead of closing,
being able to give it away
the
hunger for recovery
The newcomer in a hospital or
institution... gives me humility and constant realization of
hope."
Hope
"It is my belief that
sharing my experience, strength and hope through H & I's, I
hope that I may in some small way help another suffering addict
see a glimmer of hope and a better way of life. But for the grace
of God... there go I."
"When I speak on an H &
I panel, the feeling that something special is going on is
immediate. The patients' or inmates' eyes light up as I'm telling
my story. They've been where I've been and have felt what I've
felt... hopelessness. Now they're sitting in a hospital or jail,
wondering 'Where do I go from here?' As I share the path my
recovery has taken, I see at times the look of hope re-enter their
faces. As they think 'Maybe this will work for me, too.' I feel
great, sharing my hope, faith and courage with the addicts who
need it most."
A New High from H &
I
"What do I get out of H
& I? Being affiliated with H & I has given me a broader
outlook on who I am as a person, because I have to give it away to
keep it. Just being able to walk in and out of institutions is a
blessing."
"During my 26 years that I
used on a daily basis, I never experienced the euphoria that I
enjoyed last month.
"While attending a C.A.
panel two years ago in a center for the Department of Corrections,
I observed a new inmate in complete denial of his disease. During
the next year and a half, I received the gift of watching this man
grow through the Twelve Steps. He was released to a half-way house
where C.A. holds another panel, and both of us participated on
that panel. Last month, he attended the H & I committee
meeting and was placed on a panel that is going back to the same
jail in which we met. That same night, he picked up his 18-month
chip."
When people look at me
today, laughing and cheerful, many ask me what I'm up to. My
response is consistently, 'I'm working with
others.'"
If
you like what you've read here, identify with the feelings being
shared, and want to feel similar feelings, you can attend your local
H & I committee meeting and participate in your own recovery by
helping others.
Cocaine Anonymous PA-NJ-DE, Inc.
"We're Here and We're Free"
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