| Many
of us would not have been able to stay clean and sober were it not
for the special one-to-one relationships with our sponsors.
C.A. may at first seem
unfamiliar. During the early days of sobriety, it's a good idea to
get a sponsor. At first, you might have a lot of questions and
concerns, and a sponsor can devote more time to your individual
questions than regular meetings allow. Sponsors can introduce you to
other people at meetings. It might help you feel more comfortable at
meetings to be with someone who knows his or her way
around.
Although people at meetings
respond to our questions willingly, that alone isn't enough. Many
other questions occur to us between meetings; many of us find that
we need constant, close support as we begin learning how to live
sober.
What
Is A Sponsor?
A sponsor is a clean and
sober addict who shares with you how they maintain their sobriety
by working the Twelve Steps. The sponsor's primary tools are his
or her experience, strength and hope.
There are no specific
rules, but a sponsor should probably be sober for a year or more
and be enjoying his or her new life as a result of the Twelve
Steps.
A sponsor was once a
newcomer too, and has used the C.A. program to deal with problems
similar to those the newcomer is now facing.
Sharing the lessons of what
he or she has learned staying sober is what a sponsor is all
about. On a one-to-one basis, a sponsor can share his or her
experience, strength and hope in living a happy, joyous and free
life.
Sponsors are not professional
counselors and are not certified to offer legal, psychiatric or
medical advice. Nor is a sponsor someone upon whom we can rely to
get us jobs, clothing or food. Sponsors have been down the rocky
road before and often can suggest where you can obtain the
professional help you might need. Do not hesitate to call your
sponsor. It may be hard at first to pick up the phone-we do not find
it easy to ask for help. But remember, a sponsor has been there and
knows how you feel.
Finding A Sponsor
Some of the ways we have gotten
to know people and found a sponsor
are:
- Listening to the feelings being
shared at meetings.
- Asking members of the fellowship
for their phone numbers, then actually calling and talking to
them.
- Going to coffee after meetings with
other sober addicts.
- Sharing at meetings.
- Asking others to recommend someone
as a sponsor.
When choosing a sponsor,
remember that this does not have to be a life-long relationship.
Many of us have had different sponsors at different times in our
sobriety. Others have had the same sponsor since early sobriety. The
point is that YOU must take the initiative and reach out.
A
Discussion of Sponsorship
In C.A., experience has shown
that it's best for men to sponsor men and women to sponsor women.
This custom promotes quick understanding and reduces the likelihood
of emotional distractions, which might take the newcomer's mind off
the purpose of Cocaine Anonymous.
At times, we may feel
uncomfortable with what our sponsor suggests. But remember sponsors
have traveled the road before and are sharing their experience with
us to help us through difficult times.
Which sponsor is best for you? No
one but you can answer that question. Sponsors may share interests
similar to yours, but may also be totally different. It's best to
attend meetings and listen to what experienced individuals have to
say about living the steps with strength and hope. Again, a sponsor
only shares his or her experience, strength
and hope. By sharing
our difficulties with our sponsor on a one-to-one basis, it makes
day-to-day living a lot easier and our struggle less
lonely.
Remember, sponsors have lives
outside C.A. They have families, jobs and other
responsibilities. Although a sponsor will do whatever he or she can
to help you maintain your sobriety, there will be times when a
sponsor is truly unavailable. So what are we to do? Check listings
for the next C.A. meeting, read the steps and literature, contact
the local C.A. office, or pull out those telephone numbers of other
recovering addicts and call. Keep an active telephone list of
recovering addicts with you and above all CALL. Your call will be
helping the other person as much as it helps you. Other recovering
addicts know what you are experiencing and will sincerely help you
through the rough times. But before you can get help, you have to
reach out and ask for it. It's there, ready and willing to be
shared.
A person may have more than
one sponsor. Someone with two or more sponsors has a wider range
of experience available to him or her. Others, however, feel that
having only one sponsor promotes a more focused approach to the C.A.
program.
It is never too late to get a
sponsor. Whether you are a newcomer hesitant about "bothering"
someone, or a member who has been around for some time trying to go
it alone, sponsorship is yours for the asking. We urge you: DO NOT
DELAY. We in C.A. want to share what we have learned with other
addicts because experience has taught us that we keep what we have
by giving it away.
Most members of Cocaine
Anonymous owe their sobriety to the fact that someone else took a
special interest in them and was willing to share a great gift with
them. A C.A. member often finds that getting a good sponsor, talking
frankly and listening can make the whole program open up as it never
did before.
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